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Newspaper Clippings: Courtesy of Comedy Central Daily Email
|Washer. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed — $100.
Snow blower for sale. Only used on snowy days.
Free puppies. Part German Shepherd, part dog.
Cows, calves never bred. Also, one gay bull for sale.
Free puppies: part Cocker Spaniel, part sneaky neighbor’s dog
Full-sized mattress. 20-year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.
Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat. Been out for a while. Better be reward.
Nice parachute. Never opened. Used once. Slightly stained.
Free Yorkshire Terrier. Eight years old. Unpleasant little dog.
Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 – $9 per hour.
Thanks to Sandee of Comedy Plus for sharing these latest two awards. Like Sandee,
I want to share these two awards with all my regular visitors because you’re all my friends & you inspire me every day!
Thought for Today
“Humor is a rubber sword – it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.”
I've enjoyed reading Witty Wednesdays at Ms Cellania for quite a while and decided to share my first at Small Reflections yesterday, but I opened an email this morning that made me laugh aloud ... and rather than wait until NEXT Wednesday to share, I've decided to do Witty Wednesday on Thursday ... just because. I hope you enjoy this humorous tale.
A burglar broke into a house and shined his flashlight around looking for valuables. He picked up a CD player when a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying:
'Jesus is watching you.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked off his flashlight and froze. When he heard nothing more he continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out he heard: 'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically. Finally, in the corner of the room his light beam came to rest on a parrot. 'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep,' the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name their bird Moses?'
The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler "Jesus".
Thought for Today
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious." Peter Ustinov