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Redneck Wins the Lottery: Courtesy of Comedy Central Daily Email

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, “I want my $20 million.”

To which the man replied, “No sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today, and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.

The Redneck said, “I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it.”

Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!”

Click for ChrisB at Ms Cellania where I’ve enjoyed Witty Wednesday for a while now and for more Witty Wednesdays at Small Reflections.

Thanks to Sandee of Comedy Plus for sharing these latest awardsI want to them with all my regular visitors.  Please snag, enjoy & share with friends … just because.  If you wish to follow rulezcheck them at Sandees.   If not, share as you choose.

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Ivanhoe passed the Life is Grand award along to the first 5 visitors who commented on her post … with the following instructions: List 5 reasons why you think life is grand and pass the award on to 5 bloggers.  Those who know me are aware I’m not big on rulez … but here are 7 reasons why I think life is grand … and all who believe life is grand & leave a link are welcome to snag, enjoy, and pass this award along … just because.

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My life is grand because:
1. I’m happily retired … grateful that I was raised to live within my means … avoiding debt and managing money responsibly … planning for the future throughout my life so I don’t have to work for a salary ;–)
2. I live near the ocean where I can walk daily with Molly and take photographs with my new camera.
3. My sister is back in town and we’re having wonderful times together. When she’s on the road we can talk to one another on our cell phones as often or as long as we wish thanks to Verizon’s free cell to cell minutes.
4. I’m blessed with wonderful friends and neighbors.
5. I’ve discovered this ‘virtual world’ known as the Blogosphere and met many interesting people.
6. I’ve discovered the local Adult School offers marvelous classes on a wide variety of subjects for reasonable prices. Many of my regulars have seen what I’ve learned about Photoshop Elements over the past year. My first Writers Workshop class begins tomorrow.
7. I’m blessed with good health, endless curiosity, and a willingness to teach myself whatever I need to know … when I need to know it. I’ve finally learned to ask for help when necessary.

The one below comes with RULEZ using your Music Player on Shuffle … but since I don’t HAVE a music player (with or without shuffle), I’m unable to participate.  Sandee did, however, so click on the link to find rulez and her responses if you have the requisite music player and wish to participate.

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Thought for TodayThe foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.” James Openheim

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Newspaper Clippings: Courtesy of Comedy Central Daily Email

Washer. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed — $100.

Snow blower for sale. Only used on snowy days.

Free puppies. Part German Shepherd, part dog.

Cows, calves never bred. Also, one gay bull for sale.

Free puppies: part Cocker Spaniel, part sneaky neighbor’s dog

Full-sized mattress. 20-year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.

Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat. Been out for a while. Better be reward.

Nice parachute. Never opened. Used once. Slightly stained.

Free Yorkshire Terrier. Eight years old. Unpleasant little dog.

Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 – $9 per hour.

Click for ChrisB at Ms Cellania where I’ve enjoyed Witty Wednesday for a while now and for more Witty Wednesdays at Small Reflections.

Thanks to Sandee of Comedy Plus for sharing these latest two awards.  Like Sandee,
I want to share these two awards with all my regular visitors because you’re all my friends & you inspire me every day!


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Thought for Today
“Humor is a rubber sword – it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.”
Mary Hirsch

I've enjoyed reading Witty Wednesdays at Ms Cellania for quite a while and decided to share my first at Small Reflections yesterday, but I opened an email this morning that made me laugh aloud ... and rather than wait until NEXT Wednesday to share, I've decided to do Witty Wednesday on Thursday ... just because. I hope you enjoy this humorous tale.

wittywednesday-chrisb1

A burglar broke into a house and shined his flashlight around looking for valuables. He picked up a CD player when a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying:

'Jesus is watching you.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked off his flashlight and froze. When he heard nothing more he continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out he heard: 'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically. Finally, in the corner of the room his light beam came to rest on a parrot. 'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

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'Yep,' the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'


The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?' 

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name their bird Moses?'

The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler "Jesus".


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Thought for Today
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious." Peter Ustinov

My Avatar

I'm a happily retired teacher. Originally blogging as storyteller, I've changed my avatar early in 2010 to reflect my recent growing interest in photography. You might recognize me from one of my three original Blogger-based sites:

Small Reflections

Sacred Ruminations

Blog Rolls, Bling and Blurbs

If you don't, click to learn more about me.

Welcome to my first WordPress site. I hope you'll look around, leave me a comment or two, and check back as often as time permits.

Hugs and blessings,
happily retired gal
(formerly known as storyteller)

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Copyright

All words, images, and art on this site (unless otherwise noted) belong to storyteller, a most Happily Retired Gal. Please ask for written permission before using anything here. Thanks ;--)

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